What you talkin' about?

Many times I find myself in the company of people who are unsure about their current relationship, but yet continue with said relationship as if something miraculously is going to change, or someone is going to wave the magic wand of love to magic everything perfect again. Wingardiumlove-eiohsarrrr.

Here is a list of similar behavioral patterns I have observed over the years in which I have grouped into labels and theories. If you find yourself reading this and thinking ‘wait a minute… that sounds like me.’ Slap yourself.


The fence sitters. 

These culprits stay with their current partners in the belief that something better may come along in the future. Sitting on the fence, observing passers-by, holding out for something that may or may not even exist. There was a toss-up here to label this type of person as those who think the grass is perhaps greener, but there wasn’t quite the right phrase for it. (The grass could be greenererers?) But the view of the grass being greener is rather fitting here, these people live with a constant expectation that somebody else, somebody better, is out there. A bit like the truth in X-files. 

They turn their backs against their own lawns – eyeing up the perhaps sexier, more exciting, and more fulfilling patches of grass (bad metaphor alert) to attend to. And instead of maintaining their current lawn, perhaps investing a bit more time in its growth, attending to its needs, or just plain and simply growing with it, they fence sit and observe all the other lawns. And it’s not very fair really is it, on the patch of grass that thinks everything is fine and dandy, carrying on with life as if everything is okay. The truth is, it seems that these people wouldn't be satisfied if they owned the exotic Versailles gardens of France. They wouldn’t be happy settling in the depth of the beautiful tulip gardens of the Neverlands. 

The saddest thing about them is that they have probably found and ditched the best thing that could have happened, but they will never know this – because the grass is always greener. Apparently. 

 The ‘I'm waiting for the right timer’s

These procrastinating undevotees assure their confidantes that that they will end it, in time, but they are waiting for the ‘right time.’ But may I ask, when is the right time to finish it with someone? On a Tuesday morning after Monday blues have mended? At 5:45 am on a Wednesday? Perhaps before Christmas, no after Christmas…Fuck it New Year, New start and all that. Friday afternoon perhaps, at least then you’ll be granting them the weekend to forget about you through means of strong spirits and nameless strangers. But let me suggest something, if you're not happy now, in the present and you are so concerned with this human formed concept of time, then why drag it out and harm both of your futures? - I like what I said there, yeah that's good.<-- good="" i="" like="" nbsp="" o:p="" s="" said="" that.="" that="" there.="" what="" yeah="">

'The ‘I’m waiting for them to do something bad again, so I don’t look as bad-ee’s

 A long winded name for long winded approach. Similar to the aforementioned time evaluaters, these  suspects take more of an accusatory stand. They can’t face being the bad guy/gal so they wait for their partners to do wrong, needed justification to end their unhappy relationship. It also says to me that they person on the receiving end of the bad news, is someone prone to wrong-doing. So what are you doing with them then? Do you not have enough supportive evidence to go with? What wrong can they do to make you finally see the light? Do they have to stop you from going out again on a Friday night? Do they have to hurt you? Kiss / screw someone else? And if you are expecting this behaviour, then this person does not deserve your time anyway.  And what if they don't do wrong? Do you have to find something, anything possible that can be used as an excuse to end it with that person? 'Look, I'm sorry - I have had a really fun time with you but I just can't be with someone who, you know, who...I don't know - you're just too, um, your laugh, I'm sorry it’s just too ... too silly.'

The ‘I don't wana be alone-rs’
In the words on contemporary RnB Artist Drake - who 'hates sleeping alone,' Although i really doubt the chap doesn't spend the night alone often - these fearful excuse makers continue with their relationship because they ‘don’t want to be alone.’ And damn, those words are scary, those words are scary Virgin Mary!’ This lstrange thought up theory is by far the one that makes my teeth feel funny with its sheer clenchedness. I want to say, you are not alone, you have your friends around you, your family, you are surrounded by great people some of which you haven’t even met yet! What’s more? Get a cuddly toy! I ain’t joking - this is probably the most impractical and cringe-worthy excuse for staying with someone, and if you are childish enough to use this as an excuse – then you are childish enough to cuddle up to a stuffed animal at night. And that was harsh because cuddly toys don’t mean your childish – I have one!  No awkward bony limbs, no hair in face, cuddly toys can have their back to your without you getting all paranoid. There is no sudden movement, you control its positioning. YOU ARE IN CONTROL. But all jokes and weird admittance's aside about cuddly toys  – you are not alone. And you cannot stay with someone in fear that you may end up being so. You are already a very alone person if you rely on the company of someone your only half interested in. Loner.

This post may seem like more of an intense interrogation session, but if you find yourself being able to answer any of these questions, then SLAP YOURSELF.

 I know in many instances and sometimes very extreme instances - we do feel trapped by our partners – and that’s really sad. But in other cases, I fear people just stay with their boyfriends/girlfriends for convenience, to bear through that quite horrible feeling of being alone. We are only human after all, and this means we have to deal with the burden of such intense emotions, and perhaps pondering over greener grass is one of them, but you should not be in a relationship if you feel this way.  We as a generation, where relationships are hard enough and influenced greatly by the media (especially the social kind), other people and our racy overactive minds, need to be strong and be honest with ourselves and with each other. If it's not working, of course try and fix it, but if it’s still not working post-fix - move on. You will be doing yourself a favour, and your partners. Don't be scared to be alone, no one is alone in this world – we have eachother and we have ourselves. Be your own best friend for a while, try ridin’ solo (not sure what my RnB referencing game is strong in this post), don’t try and drag something out that is not worth the time. 

And time is precious in this life.