So I have been pretty quiet these past few months, this is due to many reasons. I will take you through these many reasons in my latest posts. Enjoy.
Firstly, last year I was ecstatic to find that I had been shortlisted for the Cosmo Blog awards 2012. I couldn't believe it when on the off chance checked my twitter inbox, I found a message from a nice lady who told me the fabulous news. I was so over the moon and felt that everything that had ever happened, was for a reason. I became quite obsessive and annoying, getting all my friends and family to vote for me, (and using all the emails I had ever owned to vote for myself, hey, you'd do the same.) The winners were to be based the votes and a judging panel.
I picked magazines up such as Cosmo, Glamour etc it up from time to time to look at the fashion pages, get a good wiff of the free samples and read the embarrassing sex stories. I had always had a quite naive dream to write for one of these magazines but before the awards, I didn't really know much about the magazines message or mission.
So, I decided to do a bit of research. A couple of months before the event in London, I bought the magazine and read the intro from the editor. I don't remember her name, and I'm sure she won't remember mine or any of the other girls who attended the award, but she was talking about the magazine and how the 'Cosmo girl is a feminist' and the 'Cosmo girl loves men' and all the other commercial twoddle she came out with. I thought, hold up - my blogs don't really follow this criteria. Firstly, because I think the word feminist is outdated, and silly. We will always be 'inferior' to men because it has been installed in us throughout history and media and all that. I'm not saying that I believe we are inferior, I'm saying that the idea will forever be there, jokes, comments, images, media is persistently created to re install it over and over again. But that's another blog for another time. Secondly, my blog doesn't really have a great 'like' towards men. And again, don't get me wrong, this blog will go on to suggest how my views on the opposite sex have changed slightly, and not because I finally have a nice boyfriend ( I know right, I couldn't wait to type it - more on this later) but because I understand that men and boys and lads, are just innocent victims of the generation we live in. Not excusing all their behavior mind.
Anyway, I'm babbling. My point is, I got slightly nervous, no, very nervous in fact about this event. I read the other girls blogs who seemed to fit the criteria of the 'cosmos girl'; the girls who wrote about great sex and orgasms and how to give good blow jobs. They wrote about the importance of men and marriage and nice shoes. I compared this to my sometimes prudish descriptions of what I still and always will call hanky panky. Because well, that's just me, and I am not a Cosmo girl.
The event was in Central London at a club again, I cant remember the name of. I'd only been to London a few times with a theater group back in school. I was an obvious tube virgin if you like; looking around at everyone face down in their smart phones and metros, and there I was not being able to balance, panicing that nobody else noticed how quickly the train was moving. Everyone was in such a rush. I was made to feel like an amateur for stopping and looking at the tube timetable. Nothing like my home-town where buses come every hour or so, or not at all. I booked into a hotel just round the corner and started getting ready for the big event. All seventy of us were advised to dress formally. I bought a cute little dress from Primark, probably a bit cheap of me, but it looked nice on. I wore black heels for a whole ten minutes whilst stood in the queue. I switched to flats shortly after. As I looked around, and subtly up and down at the other girls (we all do it), I felt a bit crap. My Primark dress had nothing on some of the beautiful outfits these girls were wearing, I immediately felt out of place. They all looked...well...like Cosmo girls? Long hair, thick black specs, short dresses, heels they could walk in, sparkles, glitz and glamour, confidence that could kill.
I won't dwell on what happened inside the club. I will keep it brief,as brief as the event itself. We were all given sugary cocktails and some fake tan that the x factor contestants allegedly used - as fake as the show itself perhaps. A lot of the girls seemed to already know each other, either that or I was just doing a really poor job of mingling. The editor and another lady made a short appearance, read out the ten names of the winners and runners ups and then left again. I knew I wasn't going to be called out, but I still have a very minuscule amount of hope, that just maybe, just maybe they liked my blog enough to let me win. And when they didn't, I was just as pissed off as I would have been if I thought I had a good chance. I couldn't help but notice that Ms Editor of Cosmo, didn't look as though she really wanted to be there. The superficial smile she had when the phots were taken, was suddenly dropped when she stepped back to the podium to read out the next winner.The magazine editors left perhaps too quickly after the final snaps were taken, they obviously didn't have time to stick around to chat to bloggers who had travelled to London for their pontzy and quite pretentious event.
This may all sound very sore loserish and bitter, and perhaps I am. But I couldn't help but question whether or not the 'judges' actually read my blog until the votes were in. And I couldn't help but imagine them turning their Cosmo noses up at my rants and raves about boyzzzz and their habits and not conforming to the Cosmo girl world of amazing men and sexy sexy blow jobs. I don't think that's really reality.
I too made a swift exit from the club. I couldn't be arsed to stand around drinking crap cocktails and listening to the woft about the mahgahzine yar and how the event haaaas been soooo successfuhhhl so fahhh. I found myself leaving quite tearful. Perhaps it was my enjoyment in reading these magazines and aspirations being crushed and thwarted. As I exited the club I couldn't help but notice the posters they had put up of numerous front covers. Headlines reading: 'I snorted cocaine for breakfast', '10 ways to make him beg for more,'It was almost as though I was in a movie and these headlines were coming out at me, in big bold letters, spinning around, with people in the background laughing and speaking the headlines. Weird, I know. Perhaps it was the sugar rush. But I thought, is that what I have to write about to get somewhere? Because that's just superficial crap.
So fair to say, I have been a little stunted in adding to this blog - as for a while I thought it wasn't what people wanted to read. But then I thought, who cares. I like to write, and if you don't like to read....then you can click here!
Three things I have discovered since being shortlisted for the Cosmo Blog awards in 2012?
1) If ever I did fancy a tan just like an X factor contestants, I possess the relative apparatus.
2) I should pursue my writing, even if I feel like it isn't what people want to read about, it is what I want to write about that counts most.
2) I am not a Cosmo Girl.