A Freudian Blip

I abandoned my blog again. I’m sorry. I decided to put all my time and energy into an individual. Look where it left me? Blogging about heart break again. But as I always say, Blogs over Boys anyday, and it’s been reinforced. Again, again. So I didn't really get a chance to blog about my boyfriend of 8 months (record for me, still bummed I didn't reach an ANNinversary) (ANN in capitals as it connotes ANN for ANNUAL, so those of you who post pictures of your boy sending you flowers every MONTH you've been together, 'Our two month anniversary lol' need to sort it aaat.) Maybe I’m just jealous, I would have received at least 8 bouquets, but in saying that by now, they'd all be wilted, or even worse dead, very much like my recent relationship. You know I love my metaphors.

Now, I’m not going to go on a big rant about how awful it was because truth is, we had a good run...kinda. Or maybe I am just doing that thing that us girls do so well by believing 'when it was good it was really good, but when it was bad it was like...really bad. Well...yuh! After previous break ups where I have literally gone a little coo-coo, I thought if this guy and I ever were to finish, I’d never ever be able to cope. This guy was meant to be the guy that made every other bad relationship/fling/bad sexual experience worth it, this guy was meant to help me forget my past and build a future. This guy…

It was quite mutual he break up, and very mature. For all the times I have complained that I have had men say to me ‘My heads not in the right place for a relationship,’ well get this, this time I had to tell said Ex that HIS head was not in the right place for a relationship. And it wasn’t – he had plans to travel and big goals that sometimes I would be a part of, and other times I wouldn’t be. Amazing, wonderful positive days I was a part of, and depressed negative days where he shut me out completely. He also charged me petrol money all the time which really peed me off but that’s another rant for another time.

But this main blog posts motto, is not to dwell on emotions about how I do miss him a lot and how ' I ain't ever trusting no man with my heart again' and blah blah blah. I want to tell all of you NEVER to abandon yourself, your dreams, goals, hobbies etc for anyone else. Ever.  You can maintain a happy relationship all the while remembering that there is only one number one in life, and that is yourself. I stopped writing, reading, my yoga (aka, cheesy dvd complete with extra tight leotard)at one point I stopped laughing, because all of my energy was put into making him happy and making a relationship work. And believe me, I tried everything because I desperately wanted to be with this chap for longer than 6 months (which is not a valid enough reason to pursue a relationship obviously.)

And being single? It is not that bad. Not because I have the double bed to myself again because to be frank, I always curl up to one corner anyway. And not because I no longer have to get up before he does to make sure I don’t resemble a makeupless Medusa. It’s great because I can be me and look out for me. I seem to attract typical mommy’s boys, who seek girlfriends to act like their mommy. Rather Freudian don’t you think. They moan and groan about man flu and how hard done by they are. I’m bored of this, we deserve MEN that will look out for us. With said ex, I wasn’t even granted the hangover card, but if he had a few many beers then ooooohhh giddy did I have to nurse him.

But stop Chelsea, I said I wasn’t going to rant – but I had to have a little say, I mean come on. Going back to my main point of not forgetting was so desperate for my boyfriend to be happy that my aspirations began merging with his and before I knew it, they were no longer mine. It was all on his terms, where in the world we’d go, how we’d live our lives (one time I couldn’t even eat my McDonalds happy meal because of his strong views on the fast food chain) and I became the silent subordinate, who would smile and agree with him to keep him happy. But where was my happiness? It’s like it had done a runner before I had the chance; ‘screw this Chelsea, I’m off.’

Now that we are no more – and because I have had heart upsets in the past, I know not to turn on Celine Dion and mimic our lovely Miss Jones with a bottle of wine and a mascara stained face. I have removed him off of my Facebook (sounds ridiculous but this is one of the things my list of ‘how to get over an ex quicker (stay tuned for blog)), in order for me to not stalk our pictures and become bonkers over new pictures he’s tagged in and unfamiliar pretty faces writing on his wall.) We still speak, very occasionally – but it is mature and friendly, and although I miss him, I know I have achieved so much in the past month that I never would have if I remained in the relationship. I’ve painted my bathroom, begun a tefl course, got right back in to my yoga (I now have a yoga mat that makes my amateur sessions in my living room that bit more pro), I’m reading more, writing more, fretting less. I have had the best weekends with all my lovely girls, and I am reinventing my aspirations and goals. My levels of determination are overwhelming and my self-worth is booming.

Advice to you from me: Don’t let anyone let you forget who you are
Advice to me from me: Blog on!

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